Speed Bump

Sometimes, on our journeys we hit speed bumps.  I hit one Friday night.  My son, the 16 year old, kinda disappeared for about an hour.  It was getting dark, he didn't answer his phone, and he didn't call.  He claims he didn't notice it was getting dark.  This is something I can't really believe, how do you NOT notice it is getting DARK outside?  Long story short I don't trust him to watch his brother anymore.  Now, this wouldn't be a huge issue except for the fact that he watched his brother when I went to work out in the afternoon.  This will SEVERELY limit the number of times I can work out a week.  The impact is so great I will only be able to work out once a week, if that :(.  I know from past experience if I don't work out I will fail.  I was really depressed on Friday night. 
Since then I think I may have found a solution. It will cost me some extra money but it will be worth it in the end. I am going to pay the woman who watches Oliver through the week some extra to keep him later 2 nights a week so I can work out :)  Friends are the best!  So, this has been my first speed bump (and here I thought it would be me gaining a pound!)

Rewards

There was a time in my life that I used food as a reward.  Heck, I am from the South, we use food for EVERYTHING!!  Someone had a baby?  Bring a casserole!  Dinner at Church?  Covered dish!  Funeral?  Take some food!!  In order to truly change my life and be healthier I have to change this way of thinking.  I did decide to reward myself for my weight loss but what good would it do me to lose weight and then "reward" myself by eating junk food?  Is that really a reward or sabotage?  So, I decided that for every 15 pounds I lost I would reward myself with new clothes!  I picked 15 pounds because 15 pounds is roughly a dress size.  So far I'm down to a size 18 jeans and I've rewarded myself once, down 26 pounds so far so only 4 more to go and then more new clothes!  I can't wait till I'm the size where I can get one of these and not just under my Civil War gowns :)  
Rewards are very important in this journey but those rewards CANNOT be food.  I have to change the way I view food.  It can be a treat but not a reward.  I can eat things like cake, ice cream, and cinnamon rolls but they are treats (like today on my birthday when I had 3 cinnamon rolls and a caramel roll!) but they are not rewards for anything.


My better health, better life, better looking body are my rewards :)

Quitting

Recently I read a post in a blog I'm following called A Weight-y Life and the lady was talking about not wanting to reach her goal.  It got me thinking about what would happen when I reach my goal.  I know it is still a ways off (though I am down 26 pounds!) but it still got me thinking.  Will I ever quit trying to lose weight?  I sure hope so!  At some point I know this journey will end, either at 194 or at 130 (ish) and then the REAL work will begin.  Then the maintenance will start.  I started thinking about maintenance and how important that is.  Without maintenance all this work will be worthless because then I will just balloon back up to what I use to be, or worse.  I did some looking around and I found this blog that has some good maintenance tips.  I found, over all, that most of the maintenance tips are pretty much the same as the weight loss tips.  My guess is that once you have reached your goal, if it is like mine and far off, you have trained yourself how to eat and how to live so you just continue to do that.  I also use the myfitnesspal website and you can set your goals on that site so it will be interesting to see how my calorie limit changes once I change my goal to no weight loss (but also no gain).  I KNOW that counting calories and exercise are the key to MY weight loss and I have no doubt they will also be the key to my eventual maintenance.  Whatever happens when I do reach my goal, and I WILL reach my goal, I know that I will NEVER see 260 lb. again and hopefully I will never see 200 lb again either (after I pass it on my way down that is)  :)

Progress not Perfection

There is a saying that goes "We claim progress not perfection" and that is so true for me!  I have defiantly made some progress in the last few months.  Since June I have lost roughly 24 pounds!  This is an awesome success for me.  Now, the trick is to keep it up!  I really have to watch myself and keep my larger goal in mind.  My ultimate goal, right now, is to get to 194 which means about another 50 pounds.  This is a very delicate time in my weight loss because I have made great strides and I can't let that go to my head and get complacent thinking, "Oh look how great I have done I can totally quit now and eat like a mad woman!!"  And, I can't let the fact that I still have 50 pounds to go get me discouraged thinking "Look how far I still have to go it is impossible!!"  This is a balancing act of progress.  I have made progress, I feel better, and I look better.  I NEVER want to go back to where I was before I started this journey!  I know I can make progress, it is possible to get to my goal I just have to keep making progress.  
I know I am not perfect, I know I will make mistakes on this journey, I may even gain some weight somewhere along the way! :(  But as long as I make PROGRESS I will succeed.  Even if that progress at time is 2 steps forward and 1 step back it is still progress.  So far that has not bee the case, all my steps have been forward (and downward) :) but I'm not stupid enough to think this will all go smoothly and that I will never have a back slide.  I have to prepare myself for that or that will be my downfall I know it.  Just have to keep making progress.  I don't have to be perfect at this, I just have to keep making progress.

Portion Control

The key, I think, to my weight loss is portion control.  Ever since I started using myfitnesspal I've really been paying attention to how much I am eating.  It amazes me how misleading packages can be!  For instance, on a jar of peanut butter it says there are 120 calories, but that is in only for 2 tbsp!  When is the last time you measured how much peanut butter you put on a sandwich?  When is the last time you only had 2 tbsp on a sandwich?  It gets even worse with things like cookies and chips.  Not to mention restaurants!  The normal amount of food you get at a restaurant is actually enough for 2 people!  2 PEOPLE!!  So, I have started asking for a to go box as soon as I place my order.  I get weird looks but I only eat enough food for one person.  If I have learned anything in the past few months about weight loss it is this, I must control now necessarily what I eat but how much I eat. Portion is important.

Over

I am defiantly over.  Overweight, overindulgent, overeating I am just plain over.  I use to overeat.  I say use to because I really don't feel as though I overeat like I did before I really got serious about this trip I'm on.  I've been using a website called www.myfitnesspal.com to track my food and now I notice that even on days I don't go on and track I still pay more attention to what I am eating.  Now I really think about what I eat before I eat it which I didn't do before.  I was also big on overindulgence.  My philosophy was eat it all now cause you don't know when you will ever get it again!  I don't do that as much now because I realize that I will get it again, maybe not tomorrow, but I will get it again.  And, sometimes having something less often can actually make it taste better.  What a concept.  I think I really hit a milestone last night when I actually turned down a piece of Red Velvet cake.  Those of you who have known me for a long time understand the significance of this.  I would bathe in red velvet cake batter if I could.  It is my favorite cake in the world.  Now, I still indulge myself, I did end up having a piece today :)  If I had been hungry last night I probably would have had some then to but I was full and didn't push myself.  I didn't overeat!  I defiantly am overweight too.  This is something that I have been my entire life, for as long as I can remember anyway.  But now, finally I am on my way in the right direction.  I am not overeating as much, I am not overindulging as much, and I am not as overweight as I was when I got started.  So now I am over being over!

Notice I've been busy lately?

So, have you noticed that I have been incredibly busy for the past couple of weeks?  That is what happens when school starts back and you are a teacher!  Last week was the first week of class and the two weeks before that were pre-planning.  However, even with the craziness that is work starting back I have done pretty good with keeping up with my calories and exercise.  I would LOVE to be able to be able to go to Curves and do Curves Smart 3 days a week and 1 day of Zumba but here lately I've only been able to do 2 days of Curves Smart and 1 day of Zumba.  However, I have still managed to loose a total of 13 pounds and 13 inches!  I weighted into Curves Thursday so it is official now :)  I am going to do my normal weekly weigh in today so we'll see if that changes...
The best thing I have found with all this craziness is that it is still easy to continue to loose weight.  What I use to think would be a huge inconvenience is not!  I think the biggest thing that has helped me stay on track is that I have made a lifestyle change and have not been on a DIET.  I am hoping that things will settle down at work and I can get back to blogging more though :)  !

Motivation, making excuses, and the heat

I have found in the last couple of days that I have been totally unmotivated to write for my blog.  I read recently on a website that said motivation and willpower are the offspring of desire.  I think this is very true.  I am more motivated to do something when I have a strong desire to do it or for the results of doing it.  I make less excuses when I am motivated.  Making excuses can be my down fall in all this.  Usually making excuses becomes a habit and I stop exercising, eating right, and doing other things that I know are good for me.  It has happened in the past and I have to work very hard to see that it doesn't happen in the future.  One of my favorite excuses I could use here lately is the "it is too hot to exercise".  Even with a heat index of 106 degrees that is still a pitiful excuse and really complete BS.  It may be to hot to do anything outside like bike riding but it is not to hot to go to Curves and exercise inside in the air conditioning!   Even in this extreme heat I have to stay focused on my goal, looking better with less clothes on ;)  which will be nice in the heat.  I have to keep my desire and motivation alive in the heat and not let excuses get in my way!  Stay tuned after my weight loss ABC's for motivational Monday.  Here is a sneak peak of the kind of stuff it will feature.

Lazy

A couple of posts ago I listed a few first impressions some people had of obese people.  One of those impressions was that obese people are lazy.  Am I lazy?  YES!  It has taken me DAYS to write this post!  I have been completely unmotivated these past few days.  I have been working out this week though.  Today was workout 22 at Curves!  :)  I think anyone and everyone is lazy at times regardless if they are short, tall, thin, or fat.  I think the key is not to be lazy all the time or in all aspects of your life.  I see no problem with being lazy some days.  We all deserve some down time.  Today, for instance, I have been pretty lazy, I took a nap from about 9:30 am - 1:00 pm.  After my nap I did go workout though and as soon as I got done drafting this post I cooked dinner  So, not an all day lazy day.  I am finding it is more and more difficult to be lazy ALL DAY LONG since I have been going to Curves more!  I have much more energy now.  My guess is that the reason obese individuals are perceived as more lazy than the general population is because we have less energy.  Energy begets energy and movement gives you more energy in addition to the food you eat.  When I eat junky, unhealthy, foods and I don't move around I get lazy.  When I eat right and move more, even when I don't want to, I am less lazy.  I know it can be hard to get off the comfy couch to walk or exercise.  I know it can even be painful at first  But just DO it!  You will feel better afterward I promise!

Joints/Knees

I have never really had any major health problems associated with my weight until after my son was born.  Ever since he was born in 2008 I have been having trouble with my knees.  There are times it is painful to move and that can make Zumba difficult.  Sometimes I can actually hear them creak when I move or walk.  I know my weight puts more strain on my knees and my other joints and my heart.  I also know that I am getting stronger and my knees are getting stronger since I have been going to Curves and watching what I eat.    I am only 28 it is too soon for me to be having knee trouble and unless I want more health problems I had better get in shape now!

Impressions and Judgement

There is no second change to make a first impression.  That statement is so very true and unfortunately  you have no choice in what that impression is.  I have not done a scientific study, I have not posted a poll on Facebook but I have been trolling the interwebs and here are some of the first impressions people get of overweight individuals: they are undisciplined, lazy, they smell bad, they eat all the time, sympathy, disgust, they are weak, they are spineless, they are greedy, hatred, they sweat a lot...
To know that this is how some, not all, people think of overweight individuals, like me, really gets to me and makes me a little depressed actually.  First impressions and judgement go hand in hand.  We all make snap judgements and I know that loosing weight will not stop people from judging me any more than it will stop me from judging others, yeah, I know you're shocked right?  I just don't want people to judge me the way they do now.  I want to change some of that judgement.  Many of the impressions people have, that I found on line, are really misconceptions... and some of them are not, at least for me.  I am lazy, I am undisciplined, I can be greedy, and at times I eat all the time.  In addition at times I am emotionally weak and I turn to food.  However, I don't smell bad (unless I don't shower and anyone would smell unless they shower) I'm not spineless, and I don't sweat any more than any other normal human being (stay tuned for a future post on that topic).
Now disgust, yeah I feel disgust.  I am disgusted with myself.  I don't like the way I look or the way I feel.  I am disgusted by how I act and how I am showing my kids to eat and treat food.  At least I am still here and, other than the being overweight, I am healthy.  I am capable of, and am, changing my life for the better!

Inspiration and God's Grace

So, for the past few days I have been catching up on the A&E show Heavy.  My post earlier today was about the show.  After writing the post I watched a few more episodes.  On one episode there was a woman, from Atlanta Georgia, who started at around 250 pounds like me.  In six months she was down to around 160.  One of her motivations was her mother who had passed away because of cancer.  She took her mother's bike with her to the facility and was able to get one of the coaches there to ride bikes home with her, back to Atlanta, an almost 350 mile trip!
I didn't go to Curves today, it is my anniversary and I figured I would take it easy.  However, after watching that episode I was inspired to get out on my bike and go for a ride.  My goal was 30 minutes of riding.  So, off I go.  I do my usual route and make it back to the library where I started and it had only been 14 minutes :(  I decided to try to make it to 20 minutes at least and maybe, after making it to 20, it would be easier to get to 30 min.  So, off I go again, this time down a different road.  And at the end of this road I see this:

It was like God was saying, come on, you can do this!  It was so inspiring that I kept on going.  I made my round one more time and got back to the library with 4 minutes to go.  I started heading home thinking well, if I get there a minute early that is ok... Then, NO!  I will not cheat myself out of one minute because I'm lazy!  So, I went around the library to make sure I got in my full 30 minutes.  I made it!  With some inspiration and God's grace I was able to do it!

Heavy

There is a show on A&E called Heavy.  The show follows two individuals on their journey to weight loss and healthy living.  They spend one month in a facility and then 5 months at home continuing their journey.  If they fail to make progress they have to return to the treatment facility.  I think the name of this show is very appropriate.  Not only does it deal with heavy people but also with their heavy issues.  I really like that this show deals with real people in real life and they have to learn how to deal just like I do.  It really illustrates how it is not all about the food.  My problem is not eating.  The way I eat is a symptom.  My problem is not knowing how to handle my emotions.  Just about everyone on the show is an emotional eater just like me.  They just won't admit it.
Later in the series they focus on a different facility Hilton Head Health.  I think this is cool because this facility is really close to where I live!  This is a different format though because instead of spending 5 months at home the participants spend the entire 6 months in the facility.  I don't really like this because I wonder how this affects they dealing with issues in their home environment.  I really believe the the key to long term weight loss is a life style change.  How can you change your lifestyle if you are not really living your life?  Anyway, I do see the benefit of it though.  Six months seems like a long enough time to form new habits which will hopefully carry over when they leave the facility.  I have not watched enough episodes to see if they eventually switch back to the other facility.  I still really like the show.  If these people can do it then so can I!
A quote I heard on one of the earlier shows that I really like is " Your body needs to know you are alive" and that is so true!

Habits

I found an article on Yahoo today:  20 Habits that make you fat ; and it got me thinking about habits in general.  I looked up habit and often found it defined as a set of behaviors that are usually carried out unconsciously.  Habits are not all bad; looking both ways before you cross the street, bathing regularly, shaking hands are all good, beneficial habits.  The problem comes in when habits are bad; laziness, nail-biting, overeating...
Whether good or bad habits are hard to break.  The problem is you can't really break a habit.  You have to replace an old habit with a new habit, a bad habit with a good habit.  My son and I recently had this discussion.  He is in the habit of wrapping the leash around his hand when he is taking the dogs out.  The problem with this is that he tells the dog to sit and stay, opens the door, steps out, the leash is so short that the dog then gets yanked out the door and gets fussed out for not staying!  Grrrr... So, my son has to replace his old habit with a new one, not wrapping the leash around his hand.  I need to replace my old, unhealthy habits with new, healthy ones!
I am making progress with replacing my bad habits.  I was in the habit of drinking at least one bottle ( 32 oz water bottle) of tea a day.  Now, instead I drink that 32 oz of actual water!  I have cut down my tea intake to about 2 eight oz. cups a day at most.  Also, I drink sweet tea, I'm from the South after all.  Now though, instead of using 10 scoops of sugar I use only 5.  I have cut my sugar in half!  I am also getting into the habit of working out at least 4 days a week, a habit I hope to keep after I go back to work in a couple of weeks.  Working out at Curves is much better than laying on the couch!

Gratitude

I don't know of anyone who has not had difficult times, especially in the last few years.  There was a time when every little hiccup would send me into a  tailspin of emotional eating, and the big ones... we would have no food left!  I am a little older and a little wiser now and I have adopted an "Attitude of Gratitude."  Every day I try to find something to be grateful for.  In every bad situation I try to find something to be grateful for.  It is easier than one might thing.  The alternator went out on our truck, the vehicle I usually drive.  I was grateful for the van, it runs, and I was able to take it to Woodstock when I needed to go up there for business.  Now, was this my ideal situation?  No, the van had busted windows, the driver side wouldn't roll up and the passenger side wouldn't roll down!  However, I took it over to my in-law's house and my father-in-law were able to fix the window!  That NEVER would have happened had the truck not broke down and my windows would still be busted.  My husband was able to find an alternator on line for under $100 too :)  we are waiting on it to be delivered!  I am grateful for that as well.
The heating element went out on our dryer and I am grateful that we have a close line and it is hot outside.  Yes, it takes more energy and time to go hang the clothes out on the line, but that is better than not having a way to dry our clothes, or having to pay to dry them!  Being grateful for things does not mean life is any easier.  Stuff still happens but I no longer have to be miserable.  I am much happier when I find things to be grateful for.  This helps me in my weight loss because 1: it reduces stress which adds to weight gain for me  2:  I spend more time eating emotionally when I am depressed than when I am happy and being grateful makes me more happy and less depressed!

Fear

Phobias, we all have them.  Fear of spiders, fear of heights, fear of failure.  That last one is a doosie and I faced it today.  Today was my first weigh in at Curves.  Above all else I fear failure.  What if I don't loose any weight?  What if I have gained weight?!  What if all the work I have been doing has been for nothing?  Ah, fear, a wonderful emotion.  Oh!  Wait! An emotion?!  Can I hide from that in a box of cookies?? No, I will not let fear keep me from my ultimate goal.  There are other ways to measure success than numbers on a scale.  So what if I didn't loose 5 pounds?  Loosing 1 pound or even .5 pounds is a victory!  I could also loose inches.  I already feel better about myself and my life.  I have already had people comment on how good I look.
I can let fear that something might happen keep me from my goal or I can move past my fear and accept that I may not have lost as much weight as I would like but I still have successes.  Also, I have to remember I have only, really, been at this for about a month.  A realistic goal for a month is about 4 pounds ( 1 pound a week) lost, 8 pounds at the most.  I didn't put on 100 pounds in a month, or two months, or five months, and I won't take it of that quickly either.  I can do this.  I will do this.  I don't have to fear failure, heights though, yeah still fear those!


Update:  I lost 5 pounds, 4.5 inches (total), and 1% body fat!

Eating Out

I recently watched a video clip that talked about the worst restaurant foods.  These foods had calorie counts ranging from over 2,000-5,000+ !  What I noticed most though was the fact that several times it was mentioned that the servings for these dishes were 2+ people!  This means that one plate of food should feed more than one person!  However, all too often a single person eats the whole meal by themselves ( I do).  I believe that, as a country, we have lost all sense of portion size.  I remember a time before super size, biggie size, up size, and king size.  I remember when a small was the size of  a child's drink today and a medium was the size of a small today.  Up until this month I would eat fast food at least once a week and sometimes more, usually McDonald's or KFC and usually one of those Super, Biggie, King....  I have done better this month though, I've only had fast food twice!  I'm really trying to watch the fast food because I don't need to eat it and I don't need to spend the money.  
I'm really trying to cut down on all forms of eating out.  It is too expensive, and I don't eat right when I eat out.  When I eat out it is usually fast food, Chinese food, or pizza.  My husband and I are planning on going to Red Lobster for our anniversary next week.  I'm not cutting out dining out all together. I am going in with a plan though.  I've checked out the menu on-line.  I know what I want to order and, I'm asking for a to go box right off.  This way I can put half my food in the box right away and control my portion size.  And, as far as dessert goes, maybe I will share it with my husband or maybe it will join the other half of my entree in my to go box!

Emotions

Joy, sorrow, elation, loneliness, happiness, love... all of these are emotions  we all must face on a daily basis.  They are very important and shape who we are and who we will be.  I know I am an emotional eater.  I see any of the aforementioned emotions as a reason to eat.  It ties back into addiction and behavior.  Just like an alcoholic will find any and all reasons to eat I will find reasons to eat.  I eat when I've had a good day, I eat when I've had a bad day, I eat when I am lonely, I eat when I am sad, I eat for revenge ( When I was becoming a teenager my mom went on a health kick and there was no more fast food.  Guess what happened when I was able to drive and had my own money... FAST FOOD!!)  I eat!  For so long food has been the center of my world.  When I go somewhere, like a party or get together, and I find out there will be food I get excited.  I don't get excited about seeing friends and family I'm excited about the food! Notice I use present tense here.  It is still a struggle.  I have to make a conscious effort NOT to think of food all the time.  It still takes effort NOT to eat emotionally.  I still have all the same feelings.  My emotions don't stop because I have decided to get healthy.  On the contrary, if anything my emotions are more intense now because I cannot hide from them, I have to feel them.  No matter what it is, joy, sorrow, shame, guilt, elation... I have to feel it and deal with it not hide in a tub of ice cream or a bag of chips!  Sometimes it is painful and sometimes it sucks but in the end it will be worth it!

Energy

My mom use to tell me that energy begets energy.  Today I totally understand what that means!  Though it may be difficult at first I have found that if I actually get up and get moving it gets easier with time.  In fact I'm having a hard time now sitting here writing this because I know I have cleaning to do!  Now, that's not to say I don't have lazy times, I do, in fact just yesterday I slept in until around 10 am.  When I did get up though I got busy.  I did my work for my on-line course, and I cleaned up our master bedroom.  I was planning on being lazy and not doing too much but I found myself wanting to move!  I ended up even going to an hour of Zumba last night!  At the end of the day I was tired but it was because I had been busy and not lazy.  It feels so good to get things done an have energy with no supplements ( 5 Hour energy etc...)  I think it is also easier to get moving because I am loosing weight so there is less of me to move.  If I have this much more energy now, with only having lost about 3 pounds, imagine how much more energy I'll have when I loose 30 pounds!  So, my advice is to get up and get moving even if it is hard to do at first!  Enough sitting around, time for house work!

Distractions

OK, I'm writing this without a rough draft here so bear with me :)  Originally I was going to do another "D" post talking about Denial but then I thought Distractions would be better and tie Denial to the previous post of Defeat.  
Distractions are something I have to deal with every day.  When I say distractions I'm talking about anything that takes my focus off my ultimate goal of healthy living.  Over the past week I have had to handle several distractions.  The first distraction I faced was that of being out of town and away from my normal Curves location.  Curves gives travel passes so I was able to go to another Curves while I was out of town, luckily.  The biggest hurdle with that was that it was NEW.  New people, new lay out, etc... and it was a change and I HATE change, most of you know enough about me to know that first hand!  However, I went 4 times last week just like I am suppose too :)  Last Friday I had another distraction when my Aunt June took me, my son, and my grandmother to Burger King for lunch.  I caved, totally and got a Whopper with Medium fries and Coke.  Now, a good part about this is that I got a Medium and not a KING size and I went afterward and worked out.  Really Friday-Sat was a rough time and I went over my calorie count at myfitnespal.com both days.  Sunday I was back on track though and I went swimming which was a great combo of family time and exercise! :)  Today, another distraction when I decided to go to Zumba at Curves.  It was difficult because it was only the 2nd Zumba class I have gone to at Curves and I was easily distracted by the other ladies and how bad I thought I was doing.  When I stopped focusing on everyone else and just focused on what I was doing though it was much better!  Imagine that!
I face distractions every day when I leave my house or watch TV or even get on line because I am constantly bombarded with images of food.  Either it is Fast Food or Food Network, which I love to watch but it never fails to make me hungry!, or some sort of food commercial etc... and this is where I have to practice discipline.  Look another D!  I have to have enough discipline to not go to my kitchen and get a snack.  I have to have enough discipline to get off my couch and go to the gym.  Discipline can help me overcome all my distractions.

Defeat

It is so easy to feel defeated when I try to loose weight.  When I think about the many times I have tried and failed to loose weight I feel defeated and depressed.  It turns into a nasty cycle of defeat.  Here is usually how it works:  I get lazy and forget to workout or eat fast food or eat too many calories--- I feel guilty so I eat more--due to more eating I gain weight---eat more because of guilt---gain more weight---give up working out and trying to loose weight all together.  And on and on until I just balloon back up to my original weight, or higher.  This has been the cycle for the past 10 years, or more since High School.
Today I have to realize that there will be bumps in the road and I will mess up every once in a while.  However, messing up doesn't have to mean giving up.  I can only be defeated if I allow myself to be.   Tomorrow is always a chance to change, a chance to do better.  Heck, the next minute is a chance to change and do better.  So, even though I may have a bump in my road to weight loss I will not be defeated this time.  I've already gotten over one bump in the road, the period of time when I fell off blogging for  a few months.  That could easily have been the latest defeat and I could have stopped trying then because I felt so guilty about not keeping up with the blog.  But, I didn't allow that to happen.  I got right back on and started right back up again with the blogging.

Counting Calories

I figured I'd do a bonus C since I didn't post yesterday :)  So, counting calories...  I recently posted about The Calorie Cost and provided several calorie counters on line.  A friend of mine recenlty told me about a calorie counter you can get on your phone too.  I personally have the Droid and the App is called My fitness pal.  I have been using it for 2 days now and I use it like a points counter.  For those of you not failure with Weight Watchers they have a points system where based on several factors you are given a certain number of points to use in a day and every food you eat is assigned a certain number of points.  For example, lets say you are allotted 50 points a day, your eggs and toast for breakfast could be 10 points, the Big Mac you have for lunch would be 30 points, etc.. things like water and apples have no points, you can eat as many as you want.  This app is sort of the same way.  You input how much you weigh and how much you want to loose, for me 2 pounds a week, and it calculates a number of calories per day.  As you eat you input your food into the program and is subtracts the number of points.  You can also input water intake ( 0 calories) and exercise (which actually increases the number of calories you get a day).  I think it will be a good tool we will see if it pays off.

Conflicting Information

I know what I need to do to loose weight.  However, knowing and doing are two different things (pearl of wisdom from my mother).  For me I know I need to change the way I eat and i need to be active.  It can be so frustrating though when you are trying to find information and it all seems to contradict itself!  Grrrr....  For example, there is an ABC of weight loss on WebMd and the B is Breakfast.  Just about every expert agrees that breakfast is a good idea.  The conflict comes when you talk about when to eat breakfast.  Some say no later than an hour after waking and some say wait longer, even workout, before you eat.  Sometimes you just have to do what is best for you.  I can see the benefit of eating within an hour of getting up.  If you have eaten dinner at 7:00pm and maybe a snack at 8:00pm and you wake up at 5:00am you have gone 9 hours without eating!  I can also see the benefits of waiting.  Especially if you are not hungry right away.  Another area of conflict I have found is what, exactly, is the correct weight?  Recently I did a post about BMI.  According to my BMI I should weight around 118-155 pounds for a healthy BMI.  However, my goal weight according to Curves is around 194-177 pounds.  Grrr....  My solution for this is to first reach the 194 lb. weight and see how I feel.  If I feel I need to loose more than I will.  For me, weight loss is not all about the numbers I see on the scale, it is how I feel in my clothes and in my own skin.
All in all I think the best thing to do is research but take what you find with a grain of salt (not literally :)  ) and do what is best for you.

Behavior

If you do what you have always done you'll get what you have always had.  This statement holds true in almost every circumstance.  Behavior plays a huge roll in weight loss.  If my behavior does not change neither will my weight.  It was my behavior that caused me to gain weight and it will be my behavior that causes me to loose weight.  Yes, I know, emotions play a HUGE roll as well.  However, emotions start with E silly and I'm only on B :)  And, the emotions alone will not cause me to gain weight.  I can be happy, sad, lonely, depressed, excited etc... all day long and unless I take the action to eat (and eat unhealthy) I will not gain weight.  It all has to do with BEHAVIOR.  There is a saying : "Watch your thoughts they become words.  Watch your words they become actions.  Watch your actions they become habits."  And all your habits put together make up your behavior.  Sometimes I skip the the thoughts-words part and go straight to actions.  For instance I think "Ooh, I really want McDonald's for lunch."  Then I would go to McDonald's.  So then it becomes a habit to go to McDonald's every day, or once a week, or once a month... and thus my new behavior is going to McDonald's.  And it all started with a simple little thought.  My first step to changing my behavior has to be changing my thoughts.  I may still have the thoughts of going to McDonald's for lunch but then I need to think about how I have food at home or how I brought my lunch or how I need to go workout first.  Then my behavior will ultimately change as well.  Weight loss has to be a lifestyle change and that is all about behaviors.

BMI

Body mass index is a tool used to assess a person's weight.  It is usually calculated based on your weight and height but is not actually a measure of percent body fat (centers for disease control and prevention).  The BMI consists of a range of numbers:  a BMI < 18.5 is underweight  18.5-24.9 is a normal weight range 25-29.9 is over weight and a BMI >30 is obese/morbidly obese.  Guess where my BMI falls... around 42.  Soundly in the obese/morbidly obese category.  Even when I get to my goal of 194 pounds according to BMI I would still be considered obese with a BMI of 31.3 :(  But, at least it is a goal and an almost 70 pound weight loss is nothing the sneeze at!  I would really like to see how I FEEL at 194 pounds before I let the fact that my BMI would still be obese get me discouraged.  Weight loss is not all about numbers all the time.  If you want to know what your BMI is you can find out here.

Boredom

I can't count the number of times when I was a kid I said "I'm bored!"  My mom would always reply "If you are bored I'll find something for you to do!"  Usually that something was house work and I quickly found something else to occupy my time.
Now that I am an adult I still face periods of boredom.  Now, however, I don't have my mother standing over me threatening.  I have to be very careful during these times because otherwise the thing I will find to do is eat.  Usually the time I find myself being bored is late at night.
The main way I have to fight boredom is to fight laziness.  I can sit on the couch all day and be bored and eat simply because I am too lazy to get off my but and actually DO something!  Now a days, most of the time, my philosophy is to do the next right thing.  Sometimes that means cleaning house, sometimes working out, sometimes sleeping but it NEVER means eating!  I will only eat when I am hungry NOT when I am bored.

Addiction

I told you this would be my own version of the ABC Challenge, so I'm deciding to do more than one word for some of the letters.  For me another part of my weight-loss journey is dealing with addiction.  Addiction can be described as the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is habit-forming to such an extent that its cessation causes sever trauma (dictionary.com).  There are several forms of addiction; alcohol, gambling, promiscuity, shopping, and food are just a few.  Instant gratification is a large part of addiction (at least for me).  We live in a world filled with instant gratification, indulgence, over abundance, and lack of self control.  Our world says " If it feels good do it!" (eat, drink, have sex etc...) and "If it doesn't feel good you can hide from it!" (in a bottle, in a TV show, on the internet...)  In my case my "it feels good do it!" part is food.  Food is AWESOME!  It tastes so good!  All those sweet starchy yummy things calling my name!!  It is instant gratification at its finest.  The problem with instant gratification is that it leaves as quickly as it arrives and you are off looking for the next instant of gratification.  Thus we enter part two "it doesn't feel good hide from it".  So, I would eat that greasy meal from McDonald's or KFC or Burger King or any number of other places and I would feel GREAT...for the amount of time it took me to finish the meal.  Then I would feel horrible, disgusted, and self loathing.  Did that feel good?  NO!  What would I do?  I would hide from it.  Where did I hide? In my fridge, at a fast food restaurant, in the bakery section of the grocery store...  I would hide and search for my next instant.  Obviously I found a great deal of gratification!  It is a vicious cycle that seems to never end.  Most people will tell you that with addiction you have to hit rock bottom before a change can be made.  What that rock bottom is though is an individual thing.  For me, rock bottom was actually a positive time in my life.  I had a new job in a new city and I moved to Savannah with my family.  It really felt like a fresh start.  So, why not start fresh with my weight loss goal?  As a bonus, now I am a little older and wiser than I was 10 years ago and I also have some more practice with my spiritual life.  I know that for me food is an addiction and , like most addictions it has stolen my time, money, health, and joy.  But I know that with the help of friends, family, and God all things are possible.  I can beat this addiction.  I can take back my life and my joy.  There are people in my life who have beaten addiction and they are my inspiration.  I will overcome this!

All about you!

I have been trying to loose weight for about 10 years now and in that time I have discovered a few things.  The main one is that if you are trying to loose weight for someone else you will most likely fail (at least in my case).  For years my main reason for loosing weight was the fact I wanted to look like what society said an attractive female should look like.  I wanted to look like what I thought guys wanted a girl to look like.  Then I found a wonderful man who loved me even when I felt unlovable, who desired me even when I didn't feel desirable.  So then I thought well, maybe I don't really need to loose weight.  Then I got pregnant and I thought, Oh now I will loose weight for the baby!  I did ok while I was pregnant and then I had a very healthy baby boy... and maintained my pre-pregnancy weight AHHHHH!!!!!  Now, for some this would be a cause for celebration. Yeah!  Pre-peggers weight back!! Not when you weighed almost 300 pounds BEFORE your pregnancy.  So, finally here I am 10 years later and not  pound lighter (in fact, quite a few pounds heavier actually) and I've finally decided I want to loose weight for ME.  I want to loose so I will be happy, healthy, joyous, and free.  And, in doing this for me I will end up doing it for my family as well.  Weight loss is a very personal  and individual journey and your reasons need to be very personal, individual, and ALL ABOUT YOU!  
And thus concludes the first A entry of the ABC's of weight loss :)

The ABC's of weight loss

Back in April an event occurred called the A to Z Blogging Challenge.  However, back in April I was not doing much blogging :(  So... I'm going to do my own A-Z Challenge starting tomorrow!  It will be my very own version of the ABC's of weight loss and the A-Z Blogging Challenge :)

Life's a Beach

So, through all the craziness of life my family and I ended up in Savannah, a place I never thought I would live.  We spent all day yesterday at the beach and it was a blast!  I use to not like the beach.  I hated going to the beach.  Up until we moved to Savannah I really had not spent so much time at the beach, we lived a long way from the beach up in N. Ga.  There were several reasons why I didn't like the beach.  I don't like the taste of salt water for one, but as a friend of mine said "No one is saying use a straw" :)  I also didn't like being out in the sun so much, I burn really easily.  Even with sunscreen I still crispy fry :(  but beach umbrellas solve that problem, SHADE!!  But the biggest reason I didn't like going to the beach was that I hated the way I looked in a swim suit.  I still hate the way I look in a swim suit but I'm not as bad now and I'm not going to let that get in the way of having fun with my family.

 I think that I look much better now than I have in the past.  I attribute that to having a younger looking swim suite not to me really looking any better.  All the swim suits I've had in the past have been dark colored and pretty drab all in all.  The current swim suit I have though is bright and colorful and makes me feel and ,I think, look younger.  Another thing I've noticed now that I actually live at the beach and have been going there more is that people of all shapes and sizes go to the beach.

It is not all ubber skinny attractive people going to the beach.  And,
as much as I hate to admit it, not everyone is there looking at me!  Imaging that, I'm not the center of the universe! Mostly I just have to get over myself and not allow my addition, yes for me I think food is an addiction, and my weight get in the way of me living my life.  I'm doing what I need to do to get things under control as far as my weight, my eating, and my self image go.

 I will LOVE being able to walk around the beach when I'm all skinny and in shape and I will feel better about myself.  Until then I will love being on the beach with my family and having fun with my kids.  They don't care what I look like they just want to be around me.  Especially the little one, all he wants me to do it play with him and run around with him. He is a big reason why I'm wanting to get in shape too, not just loose weight.  When he says to me "run mommy" I want to be able to run with him, keep up with him, and not be out of breath at the end of the run.

Curves + Zumba

Was not what I expected.  I had expected it to be like this

but it wasn't like that.  It was more like this only in a circle

So I was a little disappointed that we didn't use the machines :(  though the cardio was great! :)  I think if I do Zumba at Curves again I'll do it for an hour instead of the half hour.  The cost is the same as the Zumba at Beach and they have more times.

Newton's First Law

For those of you that don't know, Newton's First Law of Motion is known as Inertia.  It basically states that an object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted on by an outside force.  At this point some of you might be wondering what this has to do with weight lose.  The "object at rest" part, yeah, that applies to me.  Yesterday was the first day I went to Curves as a full fledged member.  Actually getting off my big ol' lazy but and going though was difficult.  My husband had cooked breakfast for us and it would have been so easy to just finish breakfast and continue to lay around until it was time to get ready for the beach (yes, I actually braved going out in a swimsuit!).  I didn't just lay around though, I MADE myself get up and get ready and drive out and do my workout.  You know what?  It made me feel SO much better after I went!  I had much more energy all day and I was in a much better mood too!  So, as the Nike saying goes " JUST DO IT!"

Working it out

Today was my first workout at Curves in about 9 years.  Can you imagine how hot I would be if I had been working out at Curves for the past 9 years?!  Gah!  Alas, life often gets in the way...  What matters is right now and right now I'm starting back up :)  So, can you imagine how hot I'll be after working out at Curves for 9 years?!
I had a lot of fun today working the circuit.  I actually remembered a great deal from when I was a member before :)  Yeah Me!!  The instructor said I had really good form and I remembered how to do the stretches as well.  That made me feel pretty good.  It was also good to find out that our scale here at the house is pretty accurate, even though I don't like the numbers I see on it >.<  I know they will get better!  And, so will my measurements which were rather pitiful as well.
(Pause for 30 min bike ride with kids)
Where was I... ah yes, my first day at Curves.  I really like the fact that the Curves workout is only 30 minutes too, or close to it.  The Curves I plan to go to is only about 15 minutes from my house so at most I'll be spending only about an hour a day working out.  I really just need to make the monetary ($88 start up fee, $39 a month, and a one time charge of $50 if I want to use the Curves Smart technology) and time (about 1 1/2 hours a week at least) commitment to make this work.
I figure today I've had about an hour's worth of workout time between Curves and the bike ride.  That is more exercise than I've gotten in the past month or two!  I have SO much more energy :)  I'm looking forward to keeping this up!

Smokin Curves

Have you ever had one of those times when you feel like even your best efforts get thwarted?  Well, I had one of those days the other day.  I'm finally on summer vacation which means (a little) more free time!  This means time to exercise!  But, just as I get some time to bike again it gets all smoky outside :-(  So this would be counterproductive, let’s go ride bikes to lose weight but it is so smoky outside you'll get asthma!  I tried one day in the afternoon to ride and I only made it about 15 min before not being able to breathe.  Because of this I had to come up with another plan.  I have an exercise ball and I have a jump rope I could use, though I can't really use the jump rope inside, the ceilings are too low.  Plus, I wanted more of a workout than just the exercise ball.  That is when a new plan was hatched.
Years ago, when I was in college and I lived out in Temple I joined a gym called Curves and I actually did pretty good there.  Over the years though with life happening I canceled my membership and I stopped going.  Now, I am in a better place all around and I think it would be a good time to start back up!  And, Curves has teemed up with Zumba to offer a Zumba circut at least once a week!  You have seen what I have to say about Zumba on my Get Moving! page and I really like it.  Though, unfortunatly, I have not been to any more Zumba classes at Beach since that one :(  Totally  my own lazyness it has nothing to do with the actual workout.  I still like Zumba.  I like Curves too, as I said before, I did well when I actually went there.
 I like Curves for several reasons:

• it is an all female environment
• the environment is very up-beat, positive, and inviting
• they take your measurements not just your weight

I have an appointment on Monday at 8:30 am to fill out my paperwork and do a refresher course on the circut.  If I can get it moved to today I will but I don't know if that will work with my work schedule.  I will keep you updated though and put more information on the Get Moving! page :)

The Calorie Cost

In my last post I talked about metabolism or the rate at which our bodies burn calories but what is a calorie?  This website has a really good discussion of metabolism and calories.  Basically a calorie is a unit of measure like a foot or a mile.  Calories use to be used to measure heat but now it is mostly used to measure food energy.  So, more calories=more energy and the more energy you consume the more energy you need to use or it gets stored...as fat.  This article I found on Yahoo, again on the front page,  talks about ways to cut calories from your diet.  If you google calorie you can find several calorie counters here, here, and here are some of them that popped up on the front page when I did.  I like the last one because it mentions the USDA 2000 calorie diet and allows you calculate the number of calories you actually need.  By the way the amount it said I actually need is over the 2000 calories and it comes in at 2260 calories a day and that is with a sedentary lifestyle.  Now, this is the amount of calories it would take to maintain my current weight, which ast last check was 250lbs.  In researching the USDA 2000 calorie diet most of what I found was talking about eating 2000 calories the right way.  There is a big difference between getting your 2000 calories from fruits and veggies than from cakes and pies.  Here you can find more informationa about the 2000 calorie diet.  So, even though my calorie counter says I burn about 2260 calories a day the simple fact is that I need to burn MORE in order to lose weight.  Well, burn more or eat less...

Why Metabolism Matters

This is an article I found recenlty on the front page of Yahoo! that I found interesting.  Basically it discusses 5 ways you can boost your metabolism.  For those who don't know metabolism is basically the sum of all the chemical reactions that occur in your body.  You can find the wikipedia definition here.  In a nutshell the higher your metabolism the faster your burn calories and the slower your metabolism the slower you burn calories.  You can find a metabolism calculator here from WebMd.  Everyone wants a higher metabolism, at least everyone I know anyway. You can read the article if you want,  here are my thoughts on this article:
1.  Build Muscle  (I want a brick body not a feather body)
            This part talks about the fact that lean muscle burns fat, even when YOU are at rest.  That is why building muscle mass is so important and weight training is so good when you are trying to lose weight.  I have some hand weights running around somewhere guess it is time to dig those back out!  Here's where we can address a misconception for some as well.  It is often said that a pound of fat weighs more than a pound of muscle.  Last time I checked a pound was a pound was a pound no matter what you were weighing.  It is kind of like the riddle which weighs more a pound of feathers or a pound of bricks?  They both weight the same!!  A pound of muscle and a pound of fat are both a pound!  Here are the key differences:  1 pound of muscle is more compact than 1 pound of fat, like it takes way more feathers to make a pound than bricks and a pound of muscle will actually burn fat where as a pound of fat IS fat. 
2.  Start Eating!  (Sounds counterintuative right?)
          Think of your body as a machine and that machine needs regular fill ups.  The autor of the book Body Confidance reccomends that you start eating an hour after you wake up and continue eating every 3-4 hours until an hour before bedtime.  So, during the summer I get up at 6am and usually am in bed by 11 pm, I should be eating on about this schedule:  7am 11am 3pm 7pm 10pm.  Now, during the summer I can probably keep at least close to this schedule.  The problem is when school starts.  Usually I don't eat in the morning anyway becaue I'm not hungry and I've always been told if you are not hungry don't eat.  This becomes a problem when I'm in school because I uaually don't end up eating anything until 3-4pm and I get up between 5-6am that is a BIG gap especially when you consider I probably have not eaten anything since about 8pm the previous night.  So, my eathing schedule while in school should be the same as when I'm out of school...  I'll have to work on this for August!  Hopefully, if I can get in the habit now I can keep it up once school has started.  Basically, your metabolism needs energy to stay working.  Your metabolism does not know that there is a grocery store down the street, or an apple in the kitchen.  It only knows what you put into it.  If you are not regularly putting fuel into your body basically your body goes into starvation mode and instead of using what you put into it it stores that.  We all know what happens when your body stores energy right.... more fat is produced!  Fat is the body's way of storing energy and your body only has two options use it or store it.  So, if you are like me:  don't eat regularly and get little to know real regulary exercise it is a recipe for disaster!  Now, just because they are saying you should eat that means 1.  eating regularly (working on that) and 2. eating right (working on that too).  I can't eat unhealthy stuff and think "oh this is gonna boost my metabolism and I'll lose weight!"  um... NO!  I have to eat healthy and I have to eat on a regular basis like it or not.
3.  Nosh on Protein at every meal and snack  (Protein is tasty noms)
          Most people hear protein and they think meat.  This is not necessarily the case.  If it were all you vegetarians out there would be SOL cause your body can't make all the amino acids it needs (it can only make 14 out of 22) it has to get some from outside sources and you find amino acids in proteins.  You can get protein from meat but you can also get it from:  Beans, eggs, milk, cheese, yogurt, soy, and nuts.  The article suggests this plan:  For a quick and easy snack, keep peanuts in your pocketbook, trail mix in your desk drawer and hard-boiled eggs in the fridge.  You may be asking yourself why is protein at every meal and snack so important.  The answer is that the more complex your food is the more energy it will take to break that down and thus higher metabolism.  Complex foods are things like meat and fibrous veggies (get your fiber!)
4.  Get Moving (Duh!)
          We all know that in order to lose weight you have to exercise and move around.  As much as we all hate it you can't just lay on your couch and expect to lose weight I don't care how good you eat.  What this part of the article suggests is that you change the pace of your workout and include spurts of high intensity cardio.  So, instead of just walking around the block it is better to walk, jogg, and run around the block.  Keep your body guessing on how hard it will have to work so it doesn't get use to the same old thing all the time.
5.  Drink Water (Again, Duh!)
           This is anohter no brainer if you are trying to lose weight.  What the article suggests is that you drink water before you eat breakfast.  I need to start drinking water period really.  I drink tea which is really just flavored water right?  RIGHT?!  Again, NO.  I know the tea I drink is really like flavored suggary water.  Though, I am cutting down on the amount of sugar per gallon of tea.  What I need to do is to fill atleast 1 of my water bottles with only water and drink that instead of my 2 bottles of tea a day.

Choices

There is a George Jones song called Choices that has really been resonating with me lately.  Our life is basically a series of choices and the consequences of those choices.  I'm now living through the consequences of choices that were made years ago, and some that were made yesterday :)
For example, yesterday I went to lunch from some ladies from work and I made the choice to have salad and mostly vegetables with one piece of cube stake and one helping of peach cobbler. Pretty good in my opinion!  Then last night I chose to have a piece of lemon meringue pie for dessert, not the greatest choice... though I did only have one piece of pie and not 2!  Then, today, at lunch I chose to have a panini and a cup of fruit, good choice, but before that I chose to have 2 pieces of pizza, not such a good choice.  But, both were choices I made and as embarrassing as it is that is it, no one to blame by myself!  Well, I'll make better choices starting now :)  That is a great thing it is never too late to make good choices even if it is 7:00pm at night.
Another choice I make is weather or not to be active.  Usually I choose not to be active :(  However, I'm getting better with it.  Having a 3 year old will do that for ya!

LOOOONNNGGGG time no see!

Yes, yes, I know it has been WAY to long since the last time I wrote!  The most I can say for that is that life sometimes gets in the way.  As far as my weight goes, the scale still reads around 255lbs but I feel better about myself.  I've also been taking a One A Day multivitamin that has a metabolism booster in it.  I think that is helping a great deal as well.  I'm really looking forward to writing more now that summer is here, not that I will be any less busy but hopefully writing more :)
I feel better about myself over all this year than I did this time last year.  This time last year I was jobless and pretty depressed about everything.  This year I'm gainfully employed, looking forward to spending my summer bettering myself for my career, and I feel better about the way I look regardless of what the scale says.  I've started dressing better, like I actually care what I look like, and I got contacts :)  I LOVE having contacts.  They defiantly make me feel better about myself.  Overall my self confidence is MUCH higher than it was last year!  Good times, good times. 
Promise I'll do better with writing though. :)

The February Funk

I haz it.  Those of you that like icanhazcheeseburger.com will get that!  So, here we are in March and the Feb. Funk has hit me HARD!  As you can probably tell from my lack of blogging in the past month or so.  I bet I've even gained weight :(  not that I would know because I have not been weighing...  But, I have been doing well with my not eating after 8.  I have not been doing well with the fast food.  Above all else that is my weakness.  I've been tired and stressed and I'm an emotional eater so that has been rough and I've given in over and over again. 
But, March is a new month and we can always start fresh.  I still believe I will end this year weighing less than I did when it started!  Back in the saddle.  LET'S DO THIS!

Back on the Wagon!

So, I'm sure most everyone is aware that I have not posted in a LONG time!  I could offer several reasons:  Start of a new semester so crazy busy at work, PMSing so Super tired at home, crazy shuffling kids here and there blah blah blah but we all know the truth, these are all EXCUSES!  Well, starting today no more excuses!  I'm going to get back to writing EVERY or at least every OTHER day!  And, I'm going to post a new picture.  I'm thinking of doing monthly pictures instead of weekly pictures.  I've been good and bad in the time since I last posted anything.  I did go see my mother this weekend, a 4 hour trip one way.  So on the way there and back I had fast food, and I've had fast food for the past 2 days also :(  But... I did resist the urge for ice cream and I opted for frozen yogurt with fruit.  And... tomorrow is a new day and I can do better!  I'll have to weigh in tomorrow as I forgot to today.  The last time I weighed in I think I was at 254 which is down from the last time I weighed but up from my original weight.  Things will improve though.  Time to get back on the wagon!

Stress!

Stress can make you gain weight... and I have defiantly been stressed lately!  Between work and home there has been a great deal of stress lately.  AND, I'm PMSing (I think...still...) which doesn't help things.  AND, I gained 3 pounds last week and was lazy and didn't work out :(  So, all in all lots of things to be bummed about and depressed about.  When I'm depressed I eat, I'm an emotional eater.  Although, lately I've been dealing with my emotions better and really not eating unless I'm hungry!  :)  And, my efforts have paid off, I LOST 2 pounds!!  Yeah me!!  Even though all my laziness and feeling blah I still LOST!  Now, I'm not back to where I was when I first started all this, 252.5 lbs, but I didn't gain any more!  Currently I am at 253.5 lbs.  Slow going but that is the best way to do it and everyone has ups and downs.  You just can't let the downs get you too down and you have to listen to your body and not just pay attention to the number on the scale.  Remember, weight is just a number.  I usually try to judge by how my clothes fit and how I see myself in the mirror.  Recently both of those gauges have improved!  And the better I feel about myself the better I do :)  Well, back to the trenches of work!  Yes, I'm a teacher and I am still doing work at almost 9:00 pm.  Don't you want to teach?!  It is a wonderful weight loss plan, run up and down stairs all day, constantly walk around a classroom, no time to eat because of lunch duty :)

Lazy!

Oh my gosh I have been SO lazy lately!  I haven't even kept a food journal over the weekend.  I would be surprised if I DIDN'T gain wait this week! These things happen though and all I can do is start fresh again tomorrow with the exercising.  I did keep my food journal today :)

Victory!

I really think I am starting to PMS. I'm really irritable and emotional.  I've gained weight in spite of eating right and starting to exercise, I've been craving carbs. And I've been super tired lately.  All classic signs of PMS for me.  I am really hoping my recent weight gain is because of PMS.  I have been crazy all day.  ALL of my classes have been getting on my nerves.  Usually it is only 1 or 2 classes a day not ALL of them!  Little things that usually don't matter are pissing me off.  Today is a grumpy day.  Grrrr, and, I feel a diet slip coming on too.  When I PMS I get even MORE munchie!  Oh, I hope I can make it home without stopping.
So, you may be wondering why, since I've been griping about PMS, this post is titled Victory.  The answer to that is because I DIDN'T stop on my way home from work today!  I made it home with no fast food :)  Granted I ate two Fiber One Bars and an apple but that is better than fast food.  When I got home I went to Wal*Mart and bought some exercise equipment too, as a reward to myself.  I got ankle/wrist weights, an exercise ball, and a jump rope.  I figure I can use all of those while in front of the TV which works for me.  When making dinner I didn't let my food craving get in the way either.  I made baked potatoes.  I ate mine with Sour Cream (2 Tbsp, serving size), cheese, bacon bits, and tomatoes.  I'll probably have some Special K cereal for dessert later.

Heavy

Yesterday was looking like a rough day early in the morning.  First, I GAINED 3 pounds this week!  Arrrg...  It is things like that that make me want to give up.  I have done everything right this week, I've been getting more exercise, I've been eating better, I'm feeling better, but I still GAINED weight?!?  How is this possible?  Water weight?  Grrrr...  So, this already has be blah yesterday.  Then I discover that I have lost a binder at work!  Now, this binder is NOT mine and it is the 2nd one I've lost!  This is crazy!  I keep them in a locked room :(  Again, Grrrr...  I guess the only thing I can do is fess up (again) and offer to pay for them.
Now, normally this would send me running for my food.  I mean, I've been trying for a whole week giving it all I've got and what happens?  I gain weight?!?  AHHHHH!!  Why even bother?  Then, something else makes me feel bad, the prospect of getting in trouble at work, a deep seated issue that goes back years.  So, here it is 7 days in and I have my biggest test so far.
This is the time I remind myself of a few things:  1.  This competition may end in April but the life changes I make during the process will last for the rest of my life.  2.  This is a marathon not a sprint.  I need to be in this for the long haul and not worry about a little set back.  3.  I've been through hard times at work and in life before and I have survived.  This is no different (at least my performance eval. is good this time!)  4.  Weight changes for several reasons.  I intend to research those reasons and make a future blog post about them.  I know time of day, clothing, and time of month can affect weight.
As the day progressed I started feeling better.  I started researching reasons for weight gain and I had planned to buy a scale on my way home and probably some weights too (this didn't happen by the way so now the plan is to purchase one today).
I started watching a new show on A&E called HEAVY.  It comes on Monday nights and is very good.  I am so very greatful that I am not that size.  It is by the grace of God that I am not that size.  It is so inspirational to me to see these stories.  It really makes me think if these people can lose weight so can I!

A family affair

Ever since I can remember I have struggled with weight and body image.  I know my mom struggled with weight too.  She is doing awesome though and I look forward to joining her.  I think part of my weight issues come from when I was younger and how I learned to eat and what/when I learned to eat.  Now I am having to retrain my body and my mind to form better eating habits.  I am discovering this is defiantly a family affair, from my mom to my mother-in-law.  Today was a really good day.  Well, most of it anyway.  I did have a melt down this morning.  I was making breakfast for my husband and EVERYTHING was going wrong.  Dishes I had created before with no problems were not cooking and other things were burning.  My husband had made a comment last night about making the presentation of food on a plate pretty.  Well, that was NOT happening this morning.  I felt like I was letting my husband down which only made it worse.  I got mad, he got mad, we had a fight.  But things settled down and we made up.  I made it up to him at dinner tonight.  I made stuffed Portabello Mushrooms.  I even made them look pretty and had them waiting for him when he got home from work :)  I am dragging my family along with me on my journey of better eating.  I went shopping while my husband was at work and got all fresh food.  We have been doing really well with our son Oliver and feeding him good food even though we don't eat good ourselves.  I have been trying really hard to raise my son with healthy food habits.  After my little episode  this morning the rest of the day went well.  Bobby and I relaxed and pretty much just chilled until it was time for him to go to work.  After he went to work I did laundry, cleaned up some, and made dinner.  I have noticed since I started eating better, even though it has only been a week, that I have had a lot more energy and so has my husband!  I told my mother-in-law about this blog.  She has always supported my various weight loss efforts even when they failed.  I hope she reads my blog and I won't let her down this time!  In the end though I know I must do this for me.  I really think this blog will help me stay on track and stay focused.  I even found a story on Yahoo about other people who have used blogs as a weight loss tool.  I'm off to do some reading!  Check back later because I'm sure I'll start following some of these blogs :)