Joints/Knees

I have never really had any major health problems associated with my weight until after my son was born.  Ever since he was born in 2008 I have been having trouble with my knees.  There are times it is painful to move and that can make Zumba difficult.  Sometimes I can actually hear them creak when I move or walk.  I know my weight puts more strain on my knees and my other joints and my heart.  I also know that I am getting stronger and my knees are getting stronger since I have been going to Curves and watching what I eat.    I am only 28 it is too soon for me to be having knee trouble and unless I want more health problems I had better get in shape now!

Impressions and Judgement

There is no second change to make a first impression.  That statement is so very true and unfortunately  you have no choice in what that impression is.  I have not done a scientific study, I have not posted a poll on Facebook but I have been trolling the interwebs and here are some of the first impressions people get of overweight individuals: they are undisciplined, lazy, they smell bad, they eat all the time, sympathy, disgust, they are weak, they are spineless, they are greedy, hatred, they sweat a lot...
To know that this is how some, not all, people think of overweight individuals, like me, really gets to me and makes me a little depressed actually.  First impressions and judgement go hand in hand.  We all make snap judgements and I know that loosing weight will not stop people from judging me any more than it will stop me from judging others, yeah, I know you're shocked right?  I just don't want people to judge me the way they do now.  I want to change some of that judgement.  Many of the impressions people have, that I found on line, are really misconceptions... and some of them are not, at least for me.  I am lazy, I am undisciplined, I can be greedy, and at times I eat all the time.  In addition at times I am emotionally weak and I turn to food.  However, I don't smell bad (unless I don't shower and anyone would smell unless they shower) I'm not spineless, and I don't sweat any more than any other normal human being (stay tuned for a future post on that topic).
Now disgust, yeah I feel disgust.  I am disgusted with myself.  I don't like the way I look or the way I feel.  I am disgusted by how I act and how I am showing my kids to eat and treat food.  At least I am still here and, other than the being overweight, I am healthy.  I am capable of, and am, changing my life for the better!

Inspiration and God's Grace

So, for the past few days I have been catching up on the A&E show Heavy.  My post earlier today was about the show.  After writing the post I watched a few more episodes.  On one episode there was a woman, from Atlanta Georgia, who started at around 250 pounds like me.  In six months she was down to around 160.  One of her motivations was her mother who had passed away because of cancer.  She took her mother's bike with her to the facility and was able to get one of the coaches there to ride bikes home with her, back to Atlanta, an almost 350 mile trip!
I didn't go to Curves today, it is my anniversary and I figured I would take it easy.  However, after watching that episode I was inspired to get out on my bike and go for a ride.  My goal was 30 minutes of riding.  So, off I go.  I do my usual route and make it back to the library where I started and it had only been 14 minutes :(  I decided to try to make it to 20 minutes at least and maybe, after making it to 20, it would be easier to get to 30 min.  So, off I go again, this time down a different road.  And at the end of this road I see this:

It was like God was saying, come on, you can do this!  It was so inspiring that I kept on going.  I made my round one more time and got back to the library with 4 minutes to go.  I started heading home thinking well, if I get there a minute early that is ok... Then, NO!  I will not cheat myself out of one minute because I'm lazy!  So, I went around the library to make sure I got in my full 30 minutes.  I made it!  With some inspiration and God's grace I was able to do it!

Heavy

There is a show on A&E called Heavy.  The show follows two individuals on their journey to weight loss and healthy living.  They spend one month in a facility and then 5 months at home continuing their journey.  If they fail to make progress they have to return to the treatment facility.  I think the name of this show is very appropriate.  Not only does it deal with heavy people but also with their heavy issues.  I really like that this show deals with real people in real life and they have to learn how to deal just like I do.  It really illustrates how it is not all about the food.  My problem is not eating.  The way I eat is a symptom.  My problem is not knowing how to handle my emotions.  Just about everyone on the show is an emotional eater just like me.  They just won't admit it.
Later in the series they focus on a different facility Hilton Head Health.  I think this is cool because this facility is really close to where I live!  This is a different format though because instead of spending 5 months at home the participants spend the entire 6 months in the facility.  I don't really like this because I wonder how this affects they dealing with issues in their home environment.  I really believe the the key to long term weight loss is a life style change.  How can you change your lifestyle if you are not really living your life?  Anyway, I do see the benefit of it though.  Six months seems like a long enough time to form new habits which will hopefully carry over when they leave the facility.  I have not watched enough episodes to see if they eventually switch back to the other facility.  I still really like the show.  If these people can do it then so can I!
A quote I heard on one of the earlier shows that I really like is " Your body needs to know you are alive" and that is so true!

Habits

I found an article on Yahoo today:  20 Habits that make you fat ; and it got me thinking about habits in general.  I looked up habit and often found it defined as a set of behaviors that are usually carried out unconsciously.  Habits are not all bad; looking both ways before you cross the street, bathing regularly, shaking hands are all good, beneficial habits.  The problem comes in when habits are bad; laziness, nail-biting, overeating...
Whether good or bad habits are hard to break.  The problem is you can't really break a habit.  You have to replace an old habit with a new habit, a bad habit with a good habit.  My son and I recently had this discussion.  He is in the habit of wrapping the leash around his hand when he is taking the dogs out.  The problem with this is that he tells the dog to sit and stay, opens the door, steps out, the leash is so short that the dog then gets yanked out the door and gets fussed out for not staying!  Grrrr... So, my son has to replace his old habit with a new one, not wrapping the leash around his hand.  I need to replace my old, unhealthy habits with new, healthy ones!
I am making progress with replacing my bad habits.  I was in the habit of drinking at least one bottle ( 32 oz water bottle) of tea a day.  Now, instead I drink that 32 oz of actual water!  I have cut down my tea intake to about 2 eight oz. cups a day at most.  Also, I drink sweet tea, I'm from the South after all.  Now though, instead of using 10 scoops of sugar I use only 5.  I have cut my sugar in half!  I am also getting into the habit of working out at least 4 days a week, a habit I hope to keep after I go back to work in a couple of weeks.  Working out at Curves is much better than laying on the couch!

Gratitude

I don't know of anyone who has not had difficult times, especially in the last few years.  There was a time when every little hiccup would send me into a  tailspin of emotional eating, and the big ones... we would have no food left!  I am a little older and a little wiser now and I have adopted an "Attitude of Gratitude."  Every day I try to find something to be grateful for.  In every bad situation I try to find something to be grateful for.  It is easier than one might thing.  The alternator went out on our truck, the vehicle I usually drive.  I was grateful for the van, it runs, and I was able to take it to Woodstock when I needed to go up there for business.  Now, was this my ideal situation?  No, the van had busted windows, the driver side wouldn't roll up and the passenger side wouldn't roll down!  However, I took it over to my in-law's house and my father-in-law were able to fix the window!  That NEVER would have happened had the truck not broke down and my windows would still be busted.  My husband was able to find an alternator on line for under $100 too :)  we are waiting on it to be delivered!  I am grateful for that as well.
The heating element went out on our dryer and I am grateful that we have a close line and it is hot outside.  Yes, it takes more energy and time to go hang the clothes out on the line, but that is better than not having a way to dry our clothes, or having to pay to dry them!  Being grateful for things does not mean life is any easier.  Stuff still happens but I no longer have to be miserable.  I am much happier when I find things to be grateful for.  This helps me in my weight loss because 1: it reduces stress which adds to weight gain for me  2:  I spend more time eating emotionally when I am depressed than when I am happy and being grateful makes me more happy and less depressed!

Fear

Phobias, we all have them.  Fear of spiders, fear of heights, fear of failure.  That last one is a doosie and I faced it today.  Today was my first weigh in at Curves.  Above all else I fear failure.  What if I don't loose any weight?  What if I have gained weight?!  What if all the work I have been doing has been for nothing?  Ah, fear, a wonderful emotion.  Oh!  Wait! An emotion?!  Can I hide from that in a box of cookies?? No, I will not let fear keep me from my ultimate goal.  There are other ways to measure success than numbers on a scale.  So what if I didn't loose 5 pounds?  Loosing 1 pound or even .5 pounds is a victory!  I could also loose inches.  I already feel better about myself and my life.  I have already had people comment on how good I look.
I can let fear that something might happen keep me from my goal or I can move past my fear and accept that I may not have lost as much weight as I would like but I still have successes.  Also, I have to remember I have only, really, been at this for about a month.  A realistic goal for a month is about 4 pounds ( 1 pound a week) lost, 8 pounds at the most.  I didn't put on 100 pounds in a month, or two months, or five months, and I won't take it of that quickly either.  I can do this.  I will do this.  I don't have to fear failure, heights though, yeah still fear those!


Update:  I lost 5 pounds, 4.5 inches (total), and 1% body fat!

Eating Out

I recently watched a video clip that talked about the worst restaurant foods.  These foods had calorie counts ranging from over 2,000-5,000+ !  What I noticed most though was the fact that several times it was mentioned that the servings for these dishes were 2+ people!  This means that one plate of food should feed more than one person!  However, all too often a single person eats the whole meal by themselves ( I do).  I believe that, as a country, we have lost all sense of portion size.  I remember a time before super size, biggie size, up size, and king size.  I remember when a small was the size of  a child's drink today and a medium was the size of a small today.  Up until this month I would eat fast food at least once a week and sometimes more, usually McDonald's or KFC and usually one of those Super, Biggie, King....  I have done better this month though, I've only had fast food twice!  I'm really trying to watch the fast food because I don't need to eat it and I don't need to spend the money.  
I'm really trying to cut down on all forms of eating out.  It is too expensive, and I don't eat right when I eat out.  When I eat out it is usually fast food, Chinese food, or pizza.  My husband and I are planning on going to Red Lobster for our anniversary next week.  I'm not cutting out dining out all together. I am going in with a plan though.  I've checked out the menu on-line.  I know what I want to order and, I'm asking for a to go box right off.  This way I can put half my food in the box right away and control my portion size.  And, as far as dessert goes, maybe I will share it with my husband or maybe it will join the other half of my entree in my to go box!

Emotions

Joy, sorrow, elation, loneliness, happiness, love... all of these are emotions  we all must face on a daily basis.  They are very important and shape who we are and who we will be.  I know I am an emotional eater.  I see any of the aforementioned emotions as a reason to eat.  It ties back into addiction and behavior.  Just like an alcoholic will find any and all reasons to eat I will find reasons to eat.  I eat when I've had a good day, I eat when I've had a bad day, I eat when I am lonely, I eat when I am sad, I eat for revenge ( When I was becoming a teenager my mom went on a health kick and there was no more fast food.  Guess what happened when I was able to drive and had my own money... FAST FOOD!!)  I eat!  For so long food has been the center of my world.  When I go somewhere, like a party or get together, and I find out there will be food I get excited.  I don't get excited about seeing friends and family I'm excited about the food! Notice I use present tense here.  It is still a struggle.  I have to make a conscious effort NOT to think of food all the time.  It still takes effort NOT to eat emotionally.  I still have all the same feelings.  My emotions don't stop because I have decided to get healthy.  On the contrary, if anything my emotions are more intense now because I cannot hide from them, I have to feel them.  No matter what it is, joy, sorrow, shame, guilt, elation... I have to feel it and deal with it not hide in a tub of ice cream or a bag of chips!  Sometimes it is painful and sometimes it sucks but in the end it will be worth it!

Energy

My mom use to tell me that energy begets energy.  Today I totally understand what that means!  Though it may be difficult at first I have found that if I actually get up and get moving it gets easier with time.  In fact I'm having a hard time now sitting here writing this because I know I have cleaning to do!  Now, that's not to say I don't have lazy times, I do, in fact just yesterday I slept in until around 10 am.  When I did get up though I got busy.  I did my work for my on-line course, and I cleaned up our master bedroom.  I was planning on being lazy and not doing too much but I found myself wanting to move!  I ended up even going to an hour of Zumba last night!  At the end of the day I was tired but it was because I had been busy and not lazy.  It feels so good to get things done an have energy with no supplements ( 5 Hour energy etc...)  I think it is also easier to get moving because I am loosing weight so there is less of me to move.  If I have this much more energy now, with only having lost about 3 pounds, imagine how much more energy I'll have when I loose 30 pounds!  So, my advice is to get up and get moving even if it is hard to do at first!  Enough sitting around, time for house work!

Distractions

OK, I'm writing this without a rough draft here so bear with me :)  Originally I was going to do another "D" post talking about Denial but then I thought Distractions would be better and tie Denial to the previous post of Defeat.  
Distractions are something I have to deal with every day.  When I say distractions I'm talking about anything that takes my focus off my ultimate goal of healthy living.  Over the past week I have had to handle several distractions.  The first distraction I faced was that of being out of town and away from my normal Curves location.  Curves gives travel passes so I was able to go to another Curves while I was out of town, luckily.  The biggest hurdle with that was that it was NEW.  New people, new lay out, etc... and it was a change and I HATE change, most of you know enough about me to know that first hand!  However, I went 4 times last week just like I am suppose too :)  Last Friday I had another distraction when my Aunt June took me, my son, and my grandmother to Burger King for lunch.  I caved, totally and got a Whopper with Medium fries and Coke.  Now, a good part about this is that I got a Medium and not a KING size and I went afterward and worked out.  Really Friday-Sat was a rough time and I went over my calorie count at myfitnespal.com both days.  Sunday I was back on track though and I went swimming which was a great combo of family time and exercise! :)  Today, another distraction when I decided to go to Zumba at Curves.  It was difficult because it was only the 2nd Zumba class I have gone to at Curves and I was easily distracted by the other ladies and how bad I thought I was doing.  When I stopped focusing on everyone else and just focused on what I was doing though it was much better!  Imagine that!
I face distractions every day when I leave my house or watch TV or even get on line because I am constantly bombarded with images of food.  Either it is Fast Food or Food Network, which I love to watch but it never fails to make me hungry!, or some sort of food commercial etc... and this is where I have to practice discipline.  Look another D!  I have to have enough discipline to not go to my kitchen and get a snack.  I have to have enough discipline to get off my couch and go to the gym.  Discipline can help me overcome all my distractions.

Defeat

It is so easy to feel defeated when I try to loose weight.  When I think about the many times I have tried and failed to loose weight I feel defeated and depressed.  It turns into a nasty cycle of defeat.  Here is usually how it works:  I get lazy and forget to workout or eat fast food or eat too many calories--- I feel guilty so I eat more--due to more eating I gain weight---eat more because of guilt---gain more weight---give up working out and trying to loose weight all together.  And on and on until I just balloon back up to my original weight, or higher.  This has been the cycle for the past 10 years, or more since High School.
Today I have to realize that there will be bumps in the road and I will mess up every once in a while.  However, messing up doesn't have to mean giving up.  I can only be defeated if I allow myself to be.   Tomorrow is always a chance to change, a chance to do better.  Heck, the next minute is a chance to change and do better.  So, even though I may have a bump in my road to weight loss I will not be defeated this time.  I've already gotten over one bump in the road, the period of time when I fell off blogging for  a few months.  That could easily have been the latest defeat and I could have stopped trying then because I felt so guilty about not keeping up with the blog.  But, I didn't allow that to happen.  I got right back on and started right back up again with the blogging.

Counting Calories

I figured I'd do a bonus C since I didn't post yesterday :)  So, counting calories...  I recently posted about The Calorie Cost and provided several calorie counters on line.  A friend of mine recenlty told me about a calorie counter you can get on your phone too.  I personally have the Droid and the App is called My fitness pal.  I have been using it for 2 days now and I use it like a points counter.  For those of you not failure with Weight Watchers they have a points system where based on several factors you are given a certain number of points to use in a day and every food you eat is assigned a certain number of points.  For example, lets say you are allotted 50 points a day, your eggs and toast for breakfast could be 10 points, the Big Mac you have for lunch would be 30 points, etc.. things like water and apples have no points, you can eat as many as you want.  This app is sort of the same way.  You input how much you weigh and how much you want to loose, for me 2 pounds a week, and it calculates a number of calories per day.  As you eat you input your food into the program and is subtracts the number of points.  You can also input water intake ( 0 calories) and exercise (which actually increases the number of calories you get a day).  I think it will be a good tool we will see if it pays off.

Conflicting Information

I know what I need to do to loose weight.  However, knowing and doing are two different things (pearl of wisdom from my mother).  For me I know I need to change the way I eat and i need to be active.  It can be so frustrating though when you are trying to find information and it all seems to contradict itself!  Grrrr....  For example, there is an ABC of weight loss on WebMd and the B is Breakfast.  Just about every expert agrees that breakfast is a good idea.  The conflict comes when you talk about when to eat breakfast.  Some say no later than an hour after waking and some say wait longer, even workout, before you eat.  Sometimes you just have to do what is best for you.  I can see the benefit of eating within an hour of getting up.  If you have eaten dinner at 7:00pm and maybe a snack at 8:00pm and you wake up at 5:00am you have gone 9 hours without eating!  I can also see the benefits of waiting.  Especially if you are not hungry right away.  Another area of conflict I have found is what, exactly, is the correct weight?  Recently I did a post about BMI.  According to my BMI I should weight around 118-155 pounds for a healthy BMI.  However, my goal weight according to Curves is around 194-177 pounds.  Grrr....  My solution for this is to first reach the 194 lb. weight and see how I feel.  If I feel I need to loose more than I will.  For me, weight loss is not all about the numbers I see on the scale, it is how I feel in my clothes and in my own skin.
All in all I think the best thing to do is research but take what you find with a grain of salt (not literally :)  ) and do what is best for you.

Behavior

If you do what you have always done you'll get what you have always had.  This statement holds true in almost every circumstance.  Behavior plays a huge roll in weight loss.  If my behavior does not change neither will my weight.  It was my behavior that caused me to gain weight and it will be my behavior that causes me to loose weight.  Yes, I know, emotions play a HUGE roll as well.  However, emotions start with E silly and I'm only on B :)  And, the emotions alone will not cause me to gain weight.  I can be happy, sad, lonely, depressed, excited etc... all day long and unless I take the action to eat (and eat unhealthy) I will not gain weight.  It all has to do with BEHAVIOR.  There is a saying : "Watch your thoughts they become words.  Watch your words they become actions.  Watch your actions they become habits."  And all your habits put together make up your behavior.  Sometimes I skip the the thoughts-words part and go straight to actions.  For instance I think "Ooh, I really want McDonald's for lunch."  Then I would go to McDonald's.  So then it becomes a habit to go to McDonald's every day, or once a week, or once a month... and thus my new behavior is going to McDonald's.  And it all started with a simple little thought.  My first step to changing my behavior has to be changing my thoughts.  I may still have the thoughts of going to McDonald's for lunch but then I need to think about how I have food at home or how I brought my lunch or how I need to go workout first.  Then my behavior will ultimately change as well.  Weight loss has to be a lifestyle change and that is all about behaviors.

BMI

Body mass index is a tool used to assess a person's weight.  It is usually calculated based on your weight and height but is not actually a measure of percent body fat (centers for disease control and prevention).  The BMI consists of a range of numbers:  a BMI < 18.5 is underweight  18.5-24.9 is a normal weight range 25-29.9 is over weight and a BMI >30 is obese/morbidly obese.  Guess where my BMI falls... around 42.  Soundly in the obese/morbidly obese category.  Even when I get to my goal of 194 pounds according to BMI I would still be considered obese with a BMI of 31.3 :(  But, at least it is a goal and an almost 70 pound weight loss is nothing the sneeze at!  I would really like to see how I FEEL at 194 pounds before I let the fact that my BMI would still be obese get me discouraged.  Weight loss is not all about numbers all the time.  If you want to know what your BMI is you can find out here.

Boredom

I can't count the number of times when I was a kid I said "I'm bored!"  My mom would always reply "If you are bored I'll find something for you to do!"  Usually that something was house work and I quickly found something else to occupy my time.
Now that I am an adult I still face periods of boredom.  Now, however, I don't have my mother standing over me threatening.  I have to be very careful during these times because otherwise the thing I will find to do is eat.  Usually the time I find myself being bored is late at night.
The main way I have to fight boredom is to fight laziness.  I can sit on the couch all day and be bored and eat simply because I am too lazy to get off my but and actually DO something!  Now a days, most of the time, my philosophy is to do the next right thing.  Sometimes that means cleaning house, sometimes working out, sometimes sleeping but it NEVER means eating!  I will only eat when I am hungry NOT when I am bored.

Addiction

I told you this would be my own version of the ABC Challenge, so I'm deciding to do more than one word for some of the letters.  For me another part of my weight-loss journey is dealing with addiction.  Addiction can be described as the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is habit-forming to such an extent that its cessation causes sever trauma (dictionary.com).  There are several forms of addiction; alcohol, gambling, promiscuity, shopping, and food are just a few.  Instant gratification is a large part of addiction (at least for me).  We live in a world filled with instant gratification, indulgence, over abundance, and lack of self control.  Our world says " If it feels good do it!" (eat, drink, have sex etc...) and "If it doesn't feel good you can hide from it!" (in a bottle, in a TV show, on the internet...)  In my case my "it feels good do it!" part is food.  Food is AWESOME!  It tastes so good!  All those sweet starchy yummy things calling my name!!  It is instant gratification at its finest.  The problem with instant gratification is that it leaves as quickly as it arrives and you are off looking for the next instant of gratification.  Thus we enter part two "it doesn't feel good hide from it".  So, I would eat that greasy meal from McDonald's or KFC or Burger King or any number of other places and I would feel GREAT...for the amount of time it took me to finish the meal.  Then I would feel horrible, disgusted, and self loathing.  Did that feel good?  NO!  What would I do?  I would hide from it.  Where did I hide? In my fridge, at a fast food restaurant, in the bakery section of the grocery store...  I would hide and search for my next instant.  Obviously I found a great deal of gratification!  It is a vicious cycle that seems to never end.  Most people will tell you that with addiction you have to hit rock bottom before a change can be made.  What that rock bottom is though is an individual thing.  For me, rock bottom was actually a positive time in my life.  I had a new job in a new city and I moved to Savannah with my family.  It really felt like a fresh start.  So, why not start fresh with my weight loss goal?  As a bonus, now I am a little older and wiser than I was 10 years ago and I also have some more practice with my spiritual life.  I know that for me food is an addiction and , like most addictions it has stolen my time, money, health, and joy.  But I know that with the help of friends, family, and God all things are possible.  I can beat this addiction.  I can take back my life and my joy.  There are people in my life who have beaten addiction and they are my inspiration.  I will overcome this!

All about you!

I have been trying to loose weight for about 10 years now and in that time I have discovered a few things.  The main one is that if you are trying to loose weight for someone else you will most likely fail (at least in my case).  For years my main reason for loosing weight was the fact I wanted to look like what society said an attractive female should look like.  I wanted to look like what I thought guys wanted a girl to look like.  Then I found a wonderful man who loved me even when I felt unlovable, who desired me even when I didn't feel desirable.  So then I thought well, maybe I don't really need to loose weight.  Then I got pregnant and I thought, Oh now I will loose weight for the baby!  I did ok while I was pregnant and then I had a very healthy baby boy... and maintained my pre-pregnancy weight AHHHHH!!!!!  Now, for some this would be a cause for celebration. Yeah!  Pre-peggers weight back!! Not when you weighed almost 300 pounds BEFORE your pregnancy.  So, finally here I am 10 years later and not  pound lighter (in fact, quite a few pounds heavier actually) and I've finally decided I want to loose weight for ME.  I want to loose so I will be happy, healthy, joyous, and free.  And, in doing this for me I will end up doing it for my family as well.  Weight loss is a very personal  and individual journey and your reasons need to be very personal, individual, and ALL ABOUT YOU!  
And thus concludes the first A entry of the ABC's of weight loss :)

The ABC's of weight loss

Back in April an event occurred called the A to Z Blogging Challenge.  However, back in April I was not doing much blogging :(  So... I'm going to do my own A-Z Challenge starting tomorrow!  It will be my very own version of the ABC's of weight loss and the A-Z Blogging Challenge :)

Life's a Beach

So, through all the craziness of life my family and I ended up in Savannah, a place I never thought I would live.  We spent all day yesterday at the beach and it was a blast!  I use to not like the beach.  I hated going to the beach.  Up until we moved to Savannah I really had not spent so much time at the beach, we lived a long way from the beach up in N. Ga.  There were several reasons why I didn't like the beach.  I don't like the taste of salt water for one, but as a friend of mine said "No one is saying use a straw" :)  I also didn't like being out in the sun so much, I burn really easily.  Even with sunscreen I still crispy fry :(  but beach umbrellas solve that problem, SHADE!!  But the biggest reason I didn't like going to the beach was that I hated the way I looked in a swim suit.  I still hate the way I look in a swim suit but I'm not as bad now and I'm not going to let that get in the way of having fun with my family.

 I think that I look much better now than I have in the past.  I attribute that to having a younger looking swim suite not to me really looking any better.  All the swim suits I've had in the past have been dark colored and pretty drab all in all.  The current swim suit I have though is bright and colorful and makes me feel and ,I think, look younger.  Another thing I've noticed now that I actually live at the beach and have been going there more is that people of all shapes and sizes go to the beach.

It is not all ubber skinny attractive people going to the beach.  And,
as much as I hate to admit it, not everyone is there looking at me!  Imaging that, I'm not the center of the universe! Mostly I just have to get over myself and not allow my addition, yes for me I think food is an addiction, and my weight get in the way of me living my life.  I'm doing what I need to do to get things under control as far as my weight, my eating, and my self image go.

 I will LOVE being able to walk around the beach when I'm all skinny and in shape and I will feel better about myself.  Until then I will love being on the beach with my family and having fun with my kids.  They don't care what I look like they just want to be around me.  Especially the little one, all he wants me to do it play with him and run around with him. He is a big reason why I'm wanting to get in shape too, not just loose weight.  When he says to me "run mommy" I want to be able to run with him, keep up with him, and not be out of breath at the end of the run.