Fear

Phobias, we all have them.  Fear of spiders, fear of heights, fear of failure.  That last one is a doosie and I faced it today.  Today was my first weigh in at Curves.  Above all else I fear failure.  What if I don't loose any weight?  What if I have gained weight?!  What if all the work I have been doing has been for nothing?  Ah, fear, a wonderful emotion.  Oh!  Wait! An emotion?!  Can I hide from that in a box of cookies?? No, I will not let fear keep me from my ultimate goal.  There are other ways to measure success than numbers on a scale.  So what if I didn't loose 5 pounds?  Loosing 1 pound or even .5 pounds is a victory!  I could also loose inches.  I already feel better about myself and my life.  I have already had people comment on how good I look.
I can let fear that something might happen keep me from my goal or I can move past my fear and accept that I may not have lost as much weight as I would like but I still have successes.  Also, I have to remember I have only, really, been at this for about a month.  A realistic goal for a month is about 4 pounds ( 1 pound a week) lost, 8 pounds at the most.  I didn't put on 100 pounds in a month, or two months, or five months, and I won't take it of that quickly either.  I can do this.  I will do this.  I don't have to fear failure, heights though, yeah still fear those!


Update:  I lost 5 pounds, 4.5 inches (total), and 1% body fat!

Emotions

Joy, sorrow, elation, loneliness, happiness, love... all of these are emotions  we all must face on a daily basis.  They are very important and shape who we are and who we will be.  I know I am an emotional eater.  I see any of the aforementioned emotions as a reason to eat.  It ties back into addiction and behavior.  Just like an alcoholic will find any and all reasons to eat I will find reasons to eat.  I eat when I've had a good day, I eat when I've had a bad day, I eat when I am lonely, I eat when I am sad, I eat for revenge ( When I was becoming a teenager my mom went on a health kick and there was no more fast food.  Guess what happened when I was able to drive and had my own money... FAST FOOD!!)  I eat!  For so long food has been the center of my world.  When I go somewhere, like a party or get together, and I find out there will be food I get excited.  I don't get excited about seeing friends and family I'm excited about the food! Notice I use present tense here.  It is still a struggle.  I have to make a conscious effort NOT to think of food all the time.  It still takes effort NOT to eat emotionally.  I still have all the same feelings.  My emotions don't stop because I have decided to get healthy.  On the contrary, if anything my emotions are more intense now because I cannot hide from them, I have to feel them.  No matter what it is, joy, sorrow, shame, guilt, elation... I have to feel it and deal with it not hide in a tub of ice cream or a bag of chips!  Sometimes it is painful and sometimes it sucks but in the end it will be worth it!